Stream of Unconscious

Often I wake in the middle of the night with thoughts and visions that must be written. A lot of it may seem like mere rambling, but I am a born writer; I need to see what happens to my words once they stare back at me from the pages of my computer screen. Since I am ususally more than half-asleep when this happens, I jokingly entitled the original document: "Stream of Unconscious." Now that I am finally starting to publish in a blog (as so many people have suggested I should do!), I thought the title remained appropriate.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halloween Greetings

Well, it's Halloween, and I'm not sure I even have plans for tonight. Jess wants to get dressed up (in normal clothes) and go out for drinks, which is cool, but I was kind of hoping to find a way to celebrate the holiday. What I really want is to take someone's kids out Trick-or-Treating, and see all the other little kids' costumes and all. Man, I miss that.

Why does getting old have to be so dull? Who wants men and alcohol when you could have the joy of discovering that someone dropped an entire Snickers Bar into your plastic Jack-O-Lantern? Those were the days, man. And God bless the whole candy bar type of people! I hope I'm like that when I have a house and a little extra cash. Then there's the great trade-off with your siblings when you get home: “I'll trade you three packs of SweetTarts for your mini-pack of Rolos...” “No way, man... flavored chalk for caramel and chocolate? Rolos are worth at least five SweetTarts!”

This is by far my favorite season. Something happens to me in Autumn that doesn't happen in any other season. I believe in things when leaves are falling that I'm too afraid to believe in otherwise. It's as if nature says: “well, I'm dying anyway... here are all my secrets!” You hear them whispered everywhere, and if you're willing to listen, you get to experience beauty like no other.

Not to freak anyone out or anything, but I'd like to die in Autumn someday. I think it would be so poetic! A slow letting go as the world fades... and I could write about what it feels like to let go, so maybe other people wouldn't be so afraid of it. I've never really been afraid of death, but then again I've never been immediately faced with it either. Except for maybe when I almost drowned white-water rafting. But I may not have been as close to death as I thought. I have a feeling that death is really cool. I love the mystery of it. No one ever comes back to tell us what it's like. Why, though? Everyone wants to know, but none of us get to until we cross over ourselves. I think Tolkien had it right when he described it as a new adventure... white shores, and a Beyond.

Interestingly enough, I didn't believe in Heaven for a long time. I didn't talk about it much, so not many people know this about me. But I honestly didn't believe it. I'm not sure why... maybe it was just one of those “too good to be true” kinds of things, or maybe I just didn't have enough theological background, or maybe like most other things in my life, I was just too afraid to believe. But I remember it used to piss me off that my life was so boring, because I thought this was my only chance.

Honestly, I'm not sure exactly what I believe now, but I do believe there's more to it than we can see. There is definitely something after life, and I'd bet its better than all this stuff. Maybe even better than dressing up and Halloween candy. Can you imagine?

I've gotta get to work now. Happy Halloween, everyone!

1 comment:

brd said...

I wish you had come to my house dressed up in a costume, I would have given you a snickers bar or sweet tarts.

Since we moved to our house on Kingston St. not a single trick-or-treater has knocked on our door. Do you think it is because we are so far from the street that they don't even know we are there?