Stream of Unconscious

Often I wake in the middle of the night with thoughts and visions that must be written. A lot of it may seem like mere rambling, but I am a born writer; I need to see what happens to my words once they stare back at me from the pages of my computer screen. Since I am ususally more than half-asleep when this happens, I jokingly entitled the original document: "Stream of Unconscious." Now that I am finally starting to publish in a blog (as so many people have suggested I should do!), I thought the title remained appropriate.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

A Glimpse of July

Well, it has been so long since I have written that I don't even know where to begin. Let me just give a quick overview:

I spent last week in PA, visiting my family for a celebration of birthdays. My nephew is now 2 years old and... alas... I am 25. But I had a very fun birthday celebration, complete with "fwimming" in my nephew's inflatible pool (his invitation was: "Ah-Jo? Ah-fwim!" before running out onto the deck!) I also got some really cool stuff for the new apartment.

For my birthday from one of my sisters, I got to go out at midnight and purchase the last Harry Potter novel, and I loved it! Very satisfactory end to the series. I was completely wrong on the majority of my theories, but I loved it nonetheless. Three cheers for Jo Rowling! I did not expect it to end as happily as it did. More on that in a later post, I'm sure.

After returning overnight to Tennessee I headed off on another out-of-state venture to Lawrenceville, GA, to see the Medieval Times Dinner Theater. Man, was it incredible! If it's the month of your birthday, you get to go free. I would highly recommend it. Quite entertaining, excellent food,"A Knight to Remember" as they say.

So, now that all my fun and travels are over, I reluctantly return to work and "normal" life for a few days, and next week I'll spend moving into the new place. Hopefully it will be a place where I can truly make a new start. I am in desperate need of a fresh perspective, a change of routine, a new lifestyle entirely. I hope I have what it takes to make that happen.

That's all for now. Wish me luck at work tonight!

Friday, July 13, 2007

Harry Potter and the Anxiously Awaiting Fans

So, I think the new book should be labeled: "Harry Potter and the Anxiously Awaiting Fans." Only five more days. I'm going crazy.

Does he die or not die? I can't stand it anymore!!

I'll admit, though, that I almost want him to die so that other people can live. I know that sounds awful, but... okay... here's what I'm thinking: Rowling won't kill off all three main characters, nor will she be able to let all of them live. Out of the three of them, Harry has the best chance of leading a broken and miserable life. Don't get angry, it's true. Think about it. What would he do after destroying Voldemort? His life purpose is suddenly vanquished. Ron and Hermione at least have each other, and they could move on despite the hard past. In fact, I think going through all of that would end up drawing them closer together. It works.

I'm afraid, though, that if Harry dies, so will Ginny. But if Harry doesn't die, probably Ron or Hermione, or maybe both, will die protecting him. I'm certain Hagrid will kick the bucket. He's just too good and pure a character to keep living. I'm not saying I want it this way, I'm just saying this is the way I think it is.

Apart from that... I have no idea. Possibly Mcgonagall, since she has taken the place of Dumbledore. As far as story line... I don't really know. Rowling always surprises me.
That's going to have to be all for right now... I may write more later. Just wanted to get my predictions out before the book comes out, so I can really say "Ha! I guessed it!" Even though... I kindof guessed most possible outcomes...

Oh, and I'm going to Pennsylvania this week! Woohoo!!

Saturday, July 7, 2007

In Search of a Story

Hello, friends.

I'm a little lonely tonight, with a lot on my mind.

I've spent the past couple of hours (oh, who am I kidding? More like 3 or 4!) looking for jobs in Chatty, reading random blog postings, watching J.K. Rowling interviews on YouTube... who could ask for more on a Saturday night?

I can't help but wish inspiration would hit me. Books used to come so easily when I was a child. And even a teenager. In fact, I think I could write well until I went to college and learned the format of an essay. It was all downhill from there. I try to give my writing structure, and it all falls apart. For some reason, my creativity got squashed in college and has not yet made a full recovery. I'm still seeking answers as to why.

Still, my best work is definitely my journal. Not this one, but my personal journal, hand-written, which I've been keeping since I was like 11 or something. There I have been so brutally honest. Here, I have to watch what I say... so it doesn't offend anyone, or get to the wrong ears, or encourage some internet scumbag to continue his stalking habits. Here, everything is fairly well edited, and though I don't have a true "structure" I feel like I lose a lot in the quest to be acceptable to all audiences. Although I still want to be a writer, more than anything, I wonder sometimes how published writers do it. Perhaps I am not yet mature enough to have learned the balance of diplomacy and honest commentary on universal issues.

If only I could write both honestly and for the public. Supposedly I can... you know, Freedom of Speech and all, but I am not yet prepared to live with the consequences of writing fearlessly. I have let a select few people read some of my personal journal entries and it was one of the scariest things I have ever done. Those who have read what I write when I am writing straight from the heart have saturated me with praise. I don't know what to do with this. I have been told I am a born writer. All I know is, it is the one thing I cannot live without. To me, it is like oxygen... or dark chocolate.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am searching for my story. All my life I have been seeking it, and I had hoped it would come by now. J.K. Rowling was 25 when Harry Potter appeared to her on the train. I can only hope and pray that my story finds me soon.

I am thirsty for the writing life, though I know it will be a hard road. One of my dearest friends told me this week that I need to start at least writing articles, sending them out to magazines, and begin my collection of rejection letters. I know she is right, I just don't know what to write about yet. But I think I'm supposed to be a writer, if there is such a thing as "supposed to be," because none of these other jobs sound even close to what I really want.

Do you think God has a plan for my life and if I'm living it right I'll find my way into the writing life? Or did He give me the gift of writing and leave me here to figure it all out on my own? Am I missing something here? Is it just not time yet, or is there something wrong with me that blocks my motivation to write for publication right now?

Then again, though I may not feel it these days, I am pretty young. Most writers don't get published until they're in their 40's, and still more aren't published until after their death. That's a comforting thought. That means I'll have to have some lousy career for the rest of my life, and keep writing without knowing whether it will ever have meaning for anyone.

But I will keep writing. I know that much. I don't really care if I never get any recognition for it. I know in my heart that I'm supposed to write, that I love to write, and that I cannot not write. Maybe a publisher will choose to see that in my lifetime and maybe not, but it won't really matter either way.

I will be a writer either way. ever in search of my great story...

Friday, July 6, 2007

Why Don't You Choo-Choo Me Home?

Just a quick update this time. I have decided to stay in Chattanooga and room with Chloe, a girl I know from work. We're looking for apartments close to where she goes to college, and closer to the city itself so that I can potentially get a better job. As soon as I get my stuff moved, the job search starts again.

I didn't think that I'd be this excited, just moving a little closer to the city I've lived around for the past 6 years... I must really love it here. The thought of being close to town is comforting. Sure, it's no adventure in New Zealand, but part of me needs a sort of security I've never had... the kind that comes from being somewhere you want to be, and being able to stay as long as you want. Chattanooga has long been where I want to be. I hope I take advantage of all it has to offer this time.

Not much else to tell. I am still afraid of the choice I have made, but I must move on with life. I have seen too many people whose lives are consumed by fear, and I want no part of it. Some day, perhaps, I will get to see other lands and write about them. For now, I'd just like to get a good job and put some money in the bank and let life slow down just a bit, if possible. Part of me really just wants a "normal" life here. I wonder if it will ever be so?

I should go, and get ready for the evening. I'm finally going out tonight! I'll do a movie review when I get back...