I'm sick of my last post, which was rather whiney, being the latest thing I've put out into the world. Despite my current hardships, this Christmas has been awesome, and I am filled with the knowledge that I am very, very loved and blessed.
Right now I can hear the stomping of little feet among the mess of wrapping paper and newly discovered presents. There is nothing quite like the sound of children's laughter in the other room. A fire burns in front of me, I can smell my sister's lasagna in the oven (another Christmas day tradition), and I am taking a moment to reflect while looking forward to an evening of games and movies and my recently perfected brew of hot chocolate! Life can be a good, good thing sometimes. I am sorry that I got so caught up in the frustrations of life that I couldn't see...
And God... there is no mistaking the hand of God in all of this. Lately I have seen him differently. I have been going back to my old views of god; that impersonal, indifferent god that only cares about whether or not you're "good enough." And I knew I wasn't, so I had been slipping away...
But I forgot about the One who came quietly, in full majesty but without show, born on a regular night in a smelly, dirty, stall in a barn... to live simply, and grow up to sacrifice and save us all. I am frustrated with my lack of skill in expression... perhaps there is no way to say it well. We have grown cold to the story after so many years, it seems. All I know to say is that I feel Him, I know Him from the inside, know that He was, and is risen, and will be there always, and that He has never given up on me, and never will.
I know it today, and there will be many, many other days where I do not know it so specifically as this. But I am content with heavenly peace for the moment...
Merry Christmas, all... and may you know the joy and peace of the real God this year...
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1 comment:
you are not doom and gloom trust me on that one.
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