Stream of Unconscious

Often I wake in the middle of the night with thoughts and visions that must be written. A lot of it may seem like mere rambling, but I am a born writer; I need to see what happens to my words once they stare back at me from the pages of my computer screen. Since I am ususally more than half-asleep when this happens, I jokingly entitled the original document: "Stream of Unconscious." Now that I am finally starting to publish in a blog (as so many people have suggested I should do!), I thought the title remained appropriate.

Monday, September 22, 2008

A Season For Change

Today is the first day of Fall. I stand amazed at the coming of a new season. It seems that I, with my head in the clouds, had not noticed the gentle passing of the long days of summer. And now I have awakened to find them gone...

I do not feel ready to see summer's end, yet with each new season comes fresh opportunity through the mysterious beauty of change. I have learned, through the years behind me, to welcome it with cautious curiosity for what it may bring.

I am in the midst of my own dying season in life. It is passing through my fingers like sand, more quickly, even, as I try to grasp it tighter. There is no way to slow its progress, nor time to mourn the loss of it. I am swept away into new moments, new days, a new perspective and a newer version of myself. The old is passing away, the new is coming, whether I am ready or not.

It is strange to me that I am not more connected with what is going on around me. Autumn has long been my favorite season, the color and scent and feel of it, and normally I am the first to greet it with open arms, while others still complain of a longing for warmer days. But this year it has caught me off guard. I have been too preoccupied with typical days at the office, my financial struggles, and the inability to make my life what I desire it to be. Perhaps I am trying to control too much... all I typically end up with is disaster.

This week I am committing to getting more sleep and getting my place in order. I need to start running and writing again, and I need to do more things I enjoy, spend more time with myself, and try not to overbook my schedule anymore. Easier said than done. But I am sick of the chaos, and so I have to do what I can to slow it all down, and only take on what I can handle.

I do not want to miss another season. So on this first, new day, I'm reevaluating what's important, and pausing to make some changes.

Perhaps I will even get a fresh start with some things. What better season for change could there be than this?

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