Stream of Unconscious

Often I wake in the middle of the night with thoughts and visions that must be written. A lot of it may seem like mere rambling, but I am a born writer; I need to see what happens to my words once they stare back at me from the pages of my computer screen. Since I am ususally more than half-asleep when this happens, I jokingly entitled the original document: "Stream of Unconscious." Now that I am finally starting to publish in a blog (as so many people have suggested I should do!), I thought the title remained appropriate.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Thoughts on Job Options

Good news! They now have an auto-save on blog drafts, so I won't lose entire posts anymore! Three cheers for technology! I am very excited about this feature. Although, having been an English major, I should have automatically saved a backup file of what I was writing, but we won't think about that.

Life is good over all. I find myself continuing to narrow down my options, whether by choice or default. At least I am getting somewhere, even if I don't have results in the form of interviews just yet. I have to first discover what I really want to do before I can put all my efforts into trying to get a job! Most people disagree with me on that point, claiming you should “make finding a job your job,” but I despise the process of getting a job so much (i.e. filling out applications, updating my resume, going in for the interview) that it is best for me to work this way. Once I decide I really want a particular job or a type of job, then I'll work hard to do all that. It just works better that way. I’ve lived with myself enough to know that by now.

So I've decided that I'm not going to try for the Peace Corps just yet. It's still a backup plan, since it incorporates the travel/expenses paid part of my goal, but I don't think it quite fits all I want at this time. I think I’m intimidated by the length of commitment. Two years just feels like a really long time... I'd be turning 28 by the time I got back if I went this year! Ack!!

For some reason I'm not sure I really want an office job, though I may still try for some anyway. It would be a good way to pay the bills and have a little left over, and it wouldn't be too horrible, I suppose. I could live my life on weekends like most everyone else in the known world. I’d prefer a little more flexibility, but I’d also prefer to continue buying groceries and using air conditioning, so that's a thought.

I'm still waiting to hear back about the Post Office job. I still really want that one. It may seem like a cop-out, but I've got a lot to figure out at this point in my life, and I think it would be good for me to get paid a whole lot (plus benefits!) to type labels so the computer can generate mail more easily. And a worthy cause it is, too! :) It'd be behind-the-scenes, which is a good thing for right now, and I wouldn’t have to tell skinny blonde chicks that “No, in fact, we don’t have skirts any shorter than these, but thanks for playing…”!

I know what this will look like for some, but I think they are wrong. It's not that I don't have ambition (as people have suggested in the past), it's mostly that I'm emotionally worn out from college and family crap and I need to buy some time and figure out how to get where I want to be. I have career goals, they just aren't immediately attainable. I just have to pay the bills right now, get a job that more than pays the bills (hopefully something non-customer-service related, because that is also draining!), and save up to try freelance writing, or find a nice, normal family to Au Pair for, or something of that nature. That's my "plan" for now if you can call it that. I think it's not too bad, considering I often feel like I'm wading through a swamp in pitch darkness without a flashlight and I have to decide which direction to go next! Is it just me?

So I went hiking last Saturday and it was awesome! I love being in the woods in this weather. How much do they pay Park Rangers anyway? That's a thought. But I have the day off, and I think Ben does too, so I think we're going to go again today. It is beautiful outside. I'm considering bringing a bathing suit... but that mountain water is just so cooold that I don't know if I'll brave it or not. I like hiking for an hour or two, then finding a rock somewhere close to the water's edge where the sunshine reaches through the leaf cover above, and just sitting for awhile. Sometimes I'll pull out my journal, sometimes I'll pray, sometimes I'll have a conversation with whoever's with me... but mostly I just sit. There's just something about that place that I love deeply. I love "places" that are more a state of mind, or a state of life than actual physical places. Hopefully I'll find one of those today.

Speaking of, I should probably start packing the peanut butter sandwiches and granola bars if I’m going to be able to get out there for the afternoon. I’ll probably write some more tonight…


Chris said...

There's nothing wrong with turning 28!

Chris said...

Oh yeah, and Park Rangers usually need at least undergrad degrees and don't make that much. Rob loves it though, he gets to chase bears and hunt missing people. Enjoy your happy place!

brd said...

You just want that P.O. job so you can write a story as good as Welty's Why I Live at the Post Office!

I just added you to my blogroll so I won't forget to check your blog on a regular basis.