You'd think that after 25 years of doing this Life stuff, I'd be able to tell kinda how things work on this planet and make some sort of accurate prediction about how things are generally going to turn out. But it isn't true. This week threw me a curve ball. And I've determined I don't like curve balls!
I've mostly made it out of the old apartment, because that had been such a bad situation that I just didn't want to be there anymore. It was worth the extra money to find my own place, and here I am. It all happened so quickly, though. And then this week happened, as well, and now I feel like nothing in my life is familiar at all. Which is perhaps a good thing. Maybe God knows things I don't know just yet.
But let's see... my second night in the apartment, my car was broken into and some irreplaceable stuff got stolen. One thing in particular that wasn't even mine, so I'm trying to figure out what to do about that. The timing, as always, was impeccable, because I had just had a discussion with an old friend about how to get said item back to him, and he had responded back with some anger... whether about the item or on a more personal note, I couldn't tell. But I was asked not to contact him anymore. I was still reeling from that request, unsure of what it meant and if I had done anything to deserve it. Then his stuff gets stolen from my car, and I pretty much feel like a worthless human being. *sigh* Sometimes I wonder if its ever worth it... but I can't get into all of that now.
They also stole my favorite coat. Is it dumb that I miss it? That I'm so upset about it? I know I have a lot of stuff, and clothes in particular, and let's be honest, I probably don't value or appreciate a lot of it the way I should. But I loved that coat. It was perfect for me in so many ways, and... I guess it just felt like a personal attack when it got stolen. Like someone was trying to hurt and violate me, not just get some stuff for free because they're too lazy to get their own job and buy their own stuff. I suppose I'm still a little angry about the situation. =] But I must remind myself that this green Earth we tread upon is not our eternal home, and we can't take our stuff with us when we go. I'm bad about getting attached to things and thinking they'll be around to make me happy forever. I'm bad about that with people too. I am constantly frustrated by the lack of permanence in this life.
So I was still dealing with the emotions of the break in, and all of that, when I got the flu and had to stay in bed for nearly 48 hours straight, with cold chills, and fever, and muscle pain, and vomiting... the whole 9 yards. So because of that, and other complications, I wasn't able to move the rest of my stuff out of the old apartment. I'm afraid my old roommate is going to be angry, and try to charge me more rent and all... I'm just ready to be done with it.
I guess you could say this was not my ideal first week in the new apartment. This wasn't really how I expected things to be. In fact, this whole year... this isn't really what I wanted for my 25th year of life. I had just always thought that things would be different. I guess I just need to bring my thoughts down from the clouds and plant them firmly into reality, so I don't keep getting hurt by my dreams and my life not matching up.
But there are good things happening in my world as well. This morning I woke up without fever (yaayy!) to the sun rising through the trees behind my apartment. MY apartment! No more people coming in and out doing whatever they want when they don't even live there. And that will be so refreshing. So I'm not ignoring that there are other things at work here, but its not wrong to grieve this lost world and allow yourself to hurt when you've been hurt by people you'd cared about.
Anyway, I've forgotten all about Daylight Savings Time, and now I'm going to be late to church!!
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