Stream of Unconscious

Often I wake in the middle of the night with thoughts and visions that must be written. A lot of it may seem like mere rambling, but I am a born writer; I need to see what happens to my words once they stare back at me from the pages of my computer screen. Since I am ususally more than half-asleep when this happens, I jokingly entitled the original document: "Stream of Unconscious." Now that I am finally starting to publish in a blog (as so many people have suggested I should do!), I thought the title remained appropriate.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

My Best Friend's Wedding


I know it's been awhile. I've had a busy week and haven't gotten around to writing until now. I spent the past weekend in Greenville, SC, for my best friend's wedding. It was great. I made all kinds of new friends and now I'm considering moving back to the Greenville area... we'll see what happens. It all depends on if I can find a job.

So the wedding was beautiful, and the bachelorette party beforehand was one of the most incredible evenings I've ever spent. We had a scavenger hunt, which ranged from asking single guys for their business cards, to finding a cop and asking if we could get a picture of the bride-to-be handcuffed. This was not allowed, however, because he said if a video ended up on YouTube he'd lose his job. He consented to let us take a picture of his handcuffs lying on the table instead. So, there you go.

One of the highlights of the evening, in my opinion, was the instructional belly dancing video we rented from the library. Picture about 7 girls in a hotel room in their pajamas, very much wired, having just eaten brownie sundaes with sparkling grape juice (no alcohol, because over half the girls weren't 21 yet, but trust me, we didn't need it), attempting to learn how to belly dance from a Russian Nite Club Dancer, who had a strange resemblance to a cross between Cher and... a man. Not even joking. She had muscles where I'm pretty certain muscles don't exist. And the video was not as "instructional" as it was advertised, so... let's just say we didn't learn a whole lot, but were extremely entertained, so it was worth it.

So now another dear friend of mine is married, and I'm left pondering what I'm going to do with my life. Sometimes I wish the decision weren't left to me. Maybe that's just Youngest Child Syndrome. But I’m pretty sure everyone goes through this, to some extent. Still, I couldn’t help feeling a little “I wish that were me” as they exchanged their vows, with adoring eyes turned upon each other. Too bad it takes two.

But I'm actually considering grad school, which is something I've never really considered before because of the expense. There's a school called Bread Loaf School of English that has a really awesome course for people who want to be writers or want to teach writing. It's three summers long and not as expensive as I'd feared it would be. If I took a nanny job with minimal expenses (I'm talking to a family in Clemson!), I'd be able to save a lot, and potentially still have a job when I came back from the summer schooling. It sounds promising at this point. We'll see what happens.

On the other hand, I could potentially stay here and work in a local coffee shop. I know the owner, and he said if I was interested in staying around long-term I might be able to work for him. Do I want to stay here long-term? That is the question. What do I really have here that's worth staying for? Do I have anything anywhere else that’s worth going for? Nothing comes to mind, sadly. Where do other people get their motivation from?

Clemson might be fun for awhile, but I've already lived in several areas of the Southeast. Shouldn't I try something else for a change? If I wasn't going to be a nanny, what other jobs would I be good at?

People keep suggesting I work for a magazine or newspaper. I don't know if I'm concise enough to work for a company like that. To be completely honest, I'm entirely sick of trying to figure out what I'm good at, trying to figure out how to convince some company that I'm wonderful so that I can work for them. It's hard to do when you're not really convinced you want to work for them in the first place.

I think I might be great at being a full-time writer if I could ever come up with a good enough story... I'm working on one, but haven't had much luck getting it out on paper. Every time I try to write it, I find that it's missing something... something... but I don't know what just yet. Maybe just plain life experience. I bet I'll be a great writer when I'm 20 years older, but what can I really write about right now that's relevant and interesting?

Actually, I'm writing a piece for Tara on the bachelorette party, the wedding, and all the goings-on in between. Whenever I get it done, I'll have to post it here. If nothing else, I'll always have writing as a recreational activity, because I thoroughly enjoy its process.

Anyone know any good, inspiring literature that might help me in the writing process? Or any funny stories about weddings or bachelorette parties? I need some inspiration about now. :)

I think that’s all for tonight.