Stream of Unconscious

Often I wake in the middle of the night with thoughts and visions that must be written. A lot of it may seem like mere rambling, but I am a born writer; I need to see what happens to my words once they stare back at me from the pages of my computer screen. Since I am ususally more than half-asleep when this happens, I jokingly entitled the original document: "Stream of Unconscious." Now that I am finally starting to publish in a blog (as so many people have suggested I should do!), I thought the title remained appropriate.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Unlocking the Door

This year I perfected my hot chocolate recipe... I mean, perfected. I am drinking a cup right now! Mmmmm... so spicy... :)

The evenings have grown cold and I feel like my feet are always freezing. I have had to dive into my vast collection of crazy socks on a regular basis. I wear hoodies inside and keep a blanket in my lap while I'm working. But its really not that bad this year... or I have embraced instead of resisting it this year, perhaps.

Honestly, I love that winter forces us to remember to be cozy. I would totally forget about fuzzy socks and hot chocolate and how great body heat from a hug feels if it weren't for the colder weather. Funny how even unpleasant things sometimes lead to joy.

I have just discovered, for the very first time, how great the Chronicles of Narnia series is. I read The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe years and years ago, but somehow I never made it to any of the other books. It seems to be unlocking some forgotten door in my creativity, however. I even wrote a few paragraphs of my own story this morning. I just woke up and had to write it down. It is stirring up my creative soul in a way that is terrifying and refreshing at the same time.

I read the words:

"Make your choice, adventurous Stranger;
Strike the bell and bide the danger,
Or wonder, till it drives you mad,
What would have followed if you had..."

...and literally got cold chills. I don't want to overstress it, but the life parallel is unavoidable. I am in a phase where trying new things (within reason) has become my latest hobby. If I don't "strike the bell," persay, I am left to regret and wonder what might have been. I want to turn every doorknob and experiment with my hot chocolate recipe and take roadtrips and see what all life has to offer! The mysteries of this life feel fresh and almost tangible... just close enough to keep you interested in pursuing them...

I seem to have struck the balance. I have a very dull and mindless job. One of the few pleasures I find in it are some of the ridiculous names of physicians or patients, but even that can only get you so far. But I have finally figured out how to do my job well and still rely on my imagination to ward off boredome. In my mind, I am free to roam about the world of fantasy, and I hope that it all comes spilling out onto paper before long. The trick is finding something remotely original. How great it would be to actually get something published... but I am a long way from there, still. :)

I have also found myself singing often in recent days, which I think is awesome, because God gave me those verses in Hosea when He began to transform my life into blessed contentment... "and she will sing again as in the days of her youth..." Beautiful, His redemption. I don't remember much about my youth, and I kind of doubt that I did a lot of singing, but I am grateful for the ever-present songs that fill my heart these days.

I don't know how long it will last, but the world seems a kind and welcoming place lately. God has set me in a place where I am resting, growing, becoming the woman He has longed for me to be. I am trying to make good decisions, and choose the direction for my future. I have hope like I hadn't known existed in this life. Most of all, I believe... and oh, how it changes everything.

Here's to spicy hot chocolate, fuzzy green socks, autumn days, and heart-songs! I assure you, sitting at the feet of Jesus is the only place I truly want to be. This is unlike any other chapter of life I have experienced. If you aren't there yet, I encourage you to drop everything, quit all the trying, and just sit at His feet. I honestly don't believe I will ever be the same again.

Jesus loves me, this I know... :)

1 comment:

GreenPilot said...

yes. I liked this one. unfortunately, I don't think you'd last one day in Minnesota winter. um don't you live in Chattanooga? isn't it still like 60 there? hmmm...

good work Harper, I enjoyed it.