Stream of Unconscious: March 2009

Stream of Unconscious

Often I wake in the middle of the night with thoughts and visions that must be written. A lot of it may seem like mere rambling, but I am a born writer; I need to see what happens to my words once they stare back at me from the pages of my computer screen. Since I am ususally more than half-asleep when this happens, I jokingly entitled the original document: "Stream of Unconscious." Now that I am finally starting to publish in a blog (as so many people have suggested I should do!), I thought the title remained appropriate.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Dropping Off the Face of the Earth

What an odd expression. I wonder what the face of the earth looks like? I've seen the face in the moon, but the earth? Hmm. Random thoughts.

I have been out of sorts lately. I feel a bit lost these days, and so far I have not been able to pull myself out of the funk I am in. What was I supposed to do? What was life supposed to look like? I believe there are endless possibilities out there, but I am frustrated to find myself in another job I hate, going nowhere. I have found that I get intense writer's block every time I try to update my resume. I honestly feel as if I cannot get out of this... whatever it is.

People keep telling me it's not my circumstances that need to change, but my perspective. I have given myself headaches lately, trying to talk myself out of depression, and into more positive thinking. I have not had any luck so far. I believe that what I need is a deeper understanding of truth. I have a lot of fears and false beliefs about God that no doubt interfere with my ability to correctly assess my current situation, or to develop a healthy strategy to get out of it.

Whatever the case may be, I need things to change, and soon. A better perspective, a better job, a better state of mind... whatever needs to happen. I don't really care what it is, I just want it to get better...

All that to say, I'm going through a very weird stage of life and I may be dropping off the face of the earth for awhile. Perhaps by the time I make it back, I will have some good stories and solid insights to post. Right now I just don't feel like I have much to offer.

Say a prayer for me.