This One's For the Girls

Where is the "off" button for hormones?? That's what I want to know. A little red "x" in the corner, "End Session," "Sorry, we're closed, please come back another time."

Something... Anything.

The call to Christian singleness is not for the weak-hearted.

A few months ago I was sitting on a guy friend's couch, just watching television, and we had been having normal, if sporadic, conversation. He leans over and puts his arm around me, and in a casual tone that is usually reserved for: "do you want some popcorn?" or "can I get you something to drink?" says to me, "So... nothing below the waist, but everything else is okay, right?"

And this is what the world has come to.

Forgive my shock, I realize I am twenty-seven years old now. But the truth is, I grew up in the era of Joshua Harris' "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" ridiculousness. I am so programmed to be used to being ignored by godly men, that it sometimes surprises me when one decides to start up a conversation. And then I have to fight the 17-year-old girl in me that thinks he might be my husband because he's the only guy who's decided to pay attention to me in a very long while. And this is every guy's worst nightmare.

I still say Josh Harris ruined my life. :) Perhaps that isn't fair. It is just that I was homeschooled, so my chances of getting a date in the first place were extremely slim, and he was most certainly no help at all in that area. It seems to me that it just gave guys another excuse to do nothing, instead of take a risk...

Don't get me wrong, though. I'm all about men respecting women, and setting up boundaries, and the like. But it was as if I never got to choose... and I am not entirely certain that I appreciate that, if I am being terribly honest. And I've been in the bad habit of being terribly honest in the last few weeks. I don't really have the life I want, so I don't really have much to lose, either.

I think it didn't help that Mom got me the book for my 15th birthday. Happy Birthday, hon... welcome to the wonderful world of eternal singleness. You laugh, and truly, that is my goal. And yet... now I am twenty-seven, and alone. Coincidence? Hmmm.

I jest, of course. Mostly.

I just spent a fabulous Friday night sitting on a long-time friend's carpet eating Chinese takeout and laughing about life and men and crushes and singleness. On my drive home, I was thinking and praying about all the beautiful, incredible Christian women I know who are still struggling with their singleness, and don't know why. If this were a poker game, I would fold.

Honestly, I can't even get a guy to pay for my coffee. It is a wonder to me that Christians ever procreate at all.

This one's for all the beautiful, dedicated Christian women out there who don't have the answers. I understand, ladies. I hurt too. If I ever answer the questions myself, I promise you I will write them for the world to know.

Forgive me for my cynicism, if that is all this is. I have been lonely a long time now. I am still trying to sort it all out.