The news hit me full in the face - or, really, in the heart - and I fell down hard. I was headed straight for a serious depression. And I, knowing the road well, had moments in which to react. It has been said that, two roads diverged in the woods and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. I am currently living the reality of poetry and song.
And so, I finally made some hard decisions, and my life has taken a better turn. I had forgotten how it feels to be okay with yourself, to live in harmony when your choices and beliefs match up. I had forgotten what it feels like to try something brand new and find that it has been part of you, hiding somewhere in your depths, all that time and you never knew it. I am finding joy in the little things again, living a life that I am no longer ashamed of, and growing miles every minute along the way. Sweet freedom has found my soul again, and I can breathe...
Once again I find myself running into the arms of a God who is tender and merciful, filled with unfailing love. Once again I am finding relationship instead of religion, and I don't know how I lost it in the first place. I don't know why I ever wanted something different than this. I find I have not rested in a long, long time. So I am learning to be still, and know...
And so... I am back, and looking for ways to live creatively, and not out of fear. I have learned this time that living your life fully is so much better than exploring even the wildest fantasy... I got caught up in a dream that shattered before my eyes, and revealed an ugly truth that all I had believed in was a lie. I am through, at long last, with the lies. I have traded them for life and hope and happiness, and the world is changed.
I have finally found again the way everlasting...
Stream of Unconscious
Often I wake in the middle of the night with thoughts and visions that must be written. A lot of it may seem like mere rambling, but I am a born writer; I need to see what happens to my words once they stare back at me from the pages of my computer screen. Since I am ususally more than half-asleep when this happens, I jokingly entitled the original document: "Stream of Unconscious." Now that I am finally starting to publish in a blog (as so many people have suggested I should do!), I thought the title remained appropriate.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
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